Yesterday was a jurney. Literally and figuratevely speaking. We drove from one place to another for a few hours. On our way we didn’t only stop to pick up something, but me most of all talked. About possibilities, options, feelings and decisions.
The thing is, we are in the mixt of options and decision making for moths now. And let me put it this way: I am not good at that. I weigh up everythig, feel comfortable with many things, have wide interests, don’t want to miss out on anything, and sometimes scared to make a decision and then to be sorry that I didn’t pick the other options. I do feel strongly about things that I really don’t like or want at all, but then there is still so much to choose from.
My husband is different. He is not the type of guy to be a quick, sharp decision maker, he weighs things too, but he knows sooner than me what he wants. But he would not enforce anything, he gives me the time and space to make up my own mind. Which is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I need space, I need the time to take long walks on winding roads to find my own peace of mind. But sometimes I just wish someone would just whisper in my ear what’s the best choice.
And we are now at a turning point in our lives that there are more then one decisions to be made. Actually three big things. But, and there is the difficulty, everything has to do with everything else. The ecuations can be changed ‘cos the starting point can maken the whole decision process totally different. That is what we have been discussing and weighing for months now.
And yesterday, in the car, we just said: let’s follow the signs. No, we were not expecting the sky to open and to be strucked by lightening. We decided to let our gut feeling be our guide, because when you weight everything and talked about all the rational aspects needed to take into account, one should stop rationalizing everything and follow one instincts. So that is what we did. We did what we needed to do that day, had the discussions with different people, about differet parts of our future, we took a good look at the oportunity doors opening happily in our way and then sat down and had a tea and coffea on a sunny winter terrace. And it felt like a big relief to notice at the end of the day that for us both, the first decision was already made. Probably subcounscioly for a longer time, but now, just listening to our hearts, or gut feeling, or the signs, we said : yes, this is the first decision to be made!
So there we go. We say good bye to our expat life and go back home. It took me a while, both of us took our time, but now we’re ready to take the next steps. I feel excited and a bit stressed out, with all things needed to be done. But it’s ok. On our way to decision number 2 and 3. Oh no no, we’re not there yest, but step number one was huge!